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Choose Yourself, and Those who Choose You!



There is perhaps no more painful thought in the world than that of “nobody likes me.” It’s an easy feeling to indulge and dwell on, a terrible go-to self-attack in low moments when we feel isolated, anxious or left out. This feeling has almost no bearing in reality and no purpose other than to deeply wound us and turn us against ourselves. We start finding faults within ourselves. We blame ourselves for all that happens to us. If someone ignores us, we start thinking something is wrong with us only, if someone acts rude towards us, we start feeling guilty for our nature. 

Feeling left out or excluded is something we all experience some way or another, but when it’s crafted by the friends you thought were close to you, a deluge of pain eats away at you.

I still remember, one of the instances during my college days. Some classes in college naturally require non-individual projects. As soon as the professor parted his lips one time “You have to work in pairs”, I was met with my first self deprecating flag.
My four friends had grouped themselves into 2 pairs in a matter of seconds and I were to work with a peer I’d never spoken to before. To be honest, they had apologized so that I don’t feel bad — which didn’t cut it for me. When I  saw other people requesting to work in trios, or at least discuss for a while how they’ll manage, I realized I was the friend no one misses.

Sometimes, when you get that new job or take that new course, you worry too much about being accepted by your peers and more important matters slip your mind. What truthfully happens is you try to fit in but forget to belong.

You work your way into a group and when you’ve accomplished that, you relax your communication muscles. You think the hard part’s over, you’ve got somebody to lean on — I mean I believed I’ve got people whom i can lean upon’. I was clearly wrong.

In get togethers, party plans or social meets, there will always be one or two people whom you can lean upon, but what if those people aren't there, what will you do? You'll feel isolated and lonely yet again. Because the psychological phobia of emotional attachment is embedded in your hyper sensitive nature and you just can't help but wish someone could come to your rescue. But, Stop expecting anything from anyone. Stop diluting yourself or moulding yourself just to fit in for the sake of it when you clearly know you'll end up getting hurt. And getting hurt again and again will only make your heart and soul numb. 

I know there is no fixing your relationship with a group which tends to ignore the very fact that you are part of it,  the spark just isn't there and you aren’t on the same wavelength. Just decide not to put up with taking pictures you weren't included in and having nothing interesting to say in the conversations they lead.
Forgive everybody and move on. For a while, I know you'll be completely alone and might end up crying or face your lowest lows, but that’s exactly where you want to be to feel better and be true to yourself. Because no-one will ever come for your rescue everytime. 

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are” — Joseph Campbell

People may call you mad but give yourself pep talks every morning in the mirror:
"I am perfectly imperfect and that's absolutely fine"
“I am a good person"
"I am an interesting and fun to talk to-person”
“ I’m a good friend and deserve good friends”
“People enjoy my company”
"There's nothing wrong with me, or my nature"
 I believe it rewires the brain and boosts our self-confidence a little.
Letting your true self shine with no filters will bring in the people who make you work hard to keep them in your circle and who you really care about.

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